Being supportive while your husband is in rehab while processing all of the feelings and resentment

self-care
rehab
alcohol
#1

I guess my question here is, how can you be supportive of your husband in rehab while you are also processing all of the pain and negative emotions that you endured?

My husband is an alcoholic who is now 14 days into rehab. He sounds so positive and tells me his counselors are giving him great advice on how to make amends with me. He says we will have good long conversations about “us” when he is out. I know he is trying to better himself but I do feel resentment and that he is pushing our marital issues and all of the hurt this has caused to the back burner.

I understand the focus is on oneself in rehab so I guess I am just curious how others have coped or are coping during this time. It is certainly trying and I have been talking to a therapist. I hope that forgiveness is on the horizon but I can’t seem to shake the arguments and the yelling and the breaking of things and repeating what I asked, telling me I am wrong, falling asleep mid day and waking up in the late evening, commanding that “sit down and go to bed”, me asking for help and getting ignored…the list is long and it brings me back to memories of nights alone and crying myself to sleep.

#2

I don’t have an answer for you but you’re not alone with how you’re feeling. I’m struggling with a lot of those same emotions from my husband’s alcoholism. There’s so much anger and sadness to work through. I feel like everything is still so raw and I just want to feel heard. So, I hear you and what happened to you matters too. ((hugs))

#4

Hi @ttwiggie - You are definitely not alone. Big congrats to your husband for taking the steps to get help and go to rehab, and also to you for seeing a therapist and being mindful of your own needs during this time. Those are huge steps for both of you! :muscle:

I can’t think of anything specific that helped me cope when my husband was in rehab. It was just one step at a time. I started seeing a therapist. That was maybe the biggest thing that helped me during early recovery. I started reading a lot more about addiction and learning the effects it had on the brain. I started doing yoga and going to Al-Anon meetings. I journaled more. I started doing things to love myself again.

I remember getting very frustrated that things weren’t moving as quickly as I wanted them to. He went to rehab in 2016, but it still took another year before we really saw any positive change in our relationship. Recovery is not linear and rehab isn’t the cure all. It takes time and self work from everyone.

I hope that helps you. I’m sorry I can’t give you a direct answer but all I can say is keep going. Things get better, and recovery is possible.

Here are some other threads in the Village Community that you might find helpful:

Have you felt resentment toward your addicted loved one? How do you deal with this?
Husband just entered rehab. How do I do this?
Husband started rehab. I feel anxious and do not trust him. How do I keep my expectations in check?

#3

@Kelligraphy Thank you :pray: definitely helps to hear I am not alone, even though I would never wish these emotions on anybody. I can definitely relate to wanting to be heard too. What you are feeling definitely matters. :hugs: Hugs back atcha<3

#5

hi there @ttwiggie - I’m not at all surprised to hear about your boatload of feelings and resentments. Even though your brain knows it a good thing for him to get better, you heart says, “gee, I want to go away to rest and regroup, too.” But you just can’t right now. Hang in there, it will get better, then lousy, then better again, and better still, and before too long- it will all seem worth it. Just keep on taking care of yourself and the people who love you will understand, and they will take care of themselves too.

#6

When I was 13 years into my marriage my husband decided he was ready to try rehab. I was so proud of him even though it was extremely tough on me the whole month he was gone. I cried every night and remember smelling his shirts because I missed him so much. He would call and tell me about his days. He sounded so happy for the first time and I remember struggling to be happy for him. He would talk about playing ping-pong and doing normal things while I’m working a new job 16 hour days with three children and no family I also in the month Was involved in a car accident And when they did a CT scan found a nodule on my thyroid that needed further evaluation to check for cancer. I spent Mother’s Day Alone. I really don’t have an answer on how you can feel happy for him other than to look at it like an investment that hopefully pays out. In my case, it did not. My husband came home after his month and informed me he met someone and wanted to be with her. I can’t begin to explain the emotions I went through and the only thing that kept me sane was knowing that I had kids to take care of. I’m sorry if I sound like a party pooper in my answer but from what I remember before all that stuff it happens that’s how I tried to stay happy for him Was hoping he would come home and be the husband I needed him to be for me and the children. I wish you the best of luck❤️