I'm a 20 year old wife trying ti support my husband in a behavioral hospital

rehab
#1

Hi! I dropped my husband off at a behavioral health hospital last night and I visited him for the first time today. I am absolutely drained, the hospital won’t give me any information outside of “we’ll talk about that at the discharge meeting” but won’t give me any idea on when that might be. I’m a full-time student and work part time with special education elementary students, I’m on summer break now but start school in roughly 30 days. Everyone is asking questions that I don’t have an answers too. When I am around him, he will be talking to me then his eyes glaze over and it’s like he is somewhere else, his sense of time and the situation are off. I would have to guess he is dissociating from the stress of everything. He calls and says he misses me and talks about possibly coming home soon. He is trying to deal with no substances to help him through this but he keeps asking me for them without a care who hears it. We talked about joining group sessions and he is considering trying one. I don’t have the heart to tell him why I don’t seem like myself when I am around him but can’t muster the energy to watch my words and protect him in his state. Seeing his pain breaks my heart and haunts me, I know this is probably necessary for my husband to heal but he just seems like a completely different person. He has never really been on board with medications but now he is taking medications and he’s just going the motions of being there. He says he knows that everything is his choice but he doesn’t feel like it’s a choice. I just to know I’m not alone in this and there is a chance that things can get better.

It feels like I’m drowning and the waves keep pushing me further down.

After a while, he finally seemed to come down to reality and that was worse than seeing him off in another world.

#2

Does this institution have a social worker or therapist for you? They usually do.

You need someone to tell you what to expect from the hospital. Someone to listen to your story- it may help him as well as you especially about why you don’t like yourself. I get that one. My husbands subtaance abuse was turning me into a monster. My Al-Anon story is full of how his disease made me sick.

As or answering questions about him, try:
I dont know.
Why dont you call and see what they say. they wont tell me anything.
Or , if they continue to ask, I hear you want to know how he is doing. “I have no answers, now”. And repeat that each time they ask. its call broken record.

People can call the hospital. They can experince your frustration.
Take care of you.
Have limits with the hospital. Do not drop everthing for their convenence. You have a life. Your life is about education, jobs, friends as well as him.

Good luck
Nora

#3

Hi @Riley7823 - how are you doing today? It’s good to hear that your husband is somewhere safe and making steps toward recovery. But I know how tough this time is right now. I remember the anxiety and hopelessness and confusion I felt when I took my husband to rehab. He was also staying at a behavioral health center at the hospital. I also remember seeing a completely different person when I visited him the first time. He was a zombie. I remember just sobbing and not knowing what to do.

It seems strange to me that they won’t give you any information if you are the closest family member. Is this stay being covered by your insurance? That will likely have a big part in how long your husband will end up staying. Like @newnoz suggested, I would ask someone at the hospital to talk with you about what to expect, why they can’t share info with you, what they can share with you, and what kind of family support they provide. Typically, they should be working with the families as much as possible to keep you involved and to help set up an after care plan.

It’s really important to take care of yourself during this time. Reaching out for support here is a great first start. When my husband was in rehab, I relied a lot on my in-laws for help with childcare (my son was very small at the time) and I was going to my own therapy sessions weekly. Therapy was incredibly helpful. I was also reading up as much as I could on addiction to learn more about how it affects the brain so I could better understand what my husband was going through. I really liked “Clean” by David Sheff and “Beyond Addiction” by Jeffrey Foote.

This conversation in the Village Community also has some helpful advice and stories:

You’re not alone and there is always hope! I was where you are and I know how much it sucks. Sorry to say it doesn’t get easier - rehab is just the first step and early recovery and even long-term recovery is a roller coaster. But my husband and I got through it together and recovery is possible. :sparkling_heart:

Please keep us updated on how it’s going and check in here if you need to!

#4

There have been ups and downs, all being complete 180s from each other. He is finally understanding the situation, the past two days he has just been focusing on how to get out as fast as possible. It is covered by his insurance. I’ve been in survival mode but managing. They have been talking about discharging him tomorrow but I am hoping they will hear me out on the other issues that he hasn’t really talked about. Honestly everything has been so much.