Hi. I am here for help and support. It’s a long one, sorry. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now, this time around. We met before a few years ago, he started using, and I couldn’t be around the high him. It’s not the typical relationship, what is typical though? We got back in touch and things progressed to where we are today. He relapsed and disappeared for 2 days early Jan. He did contact me from the hospital and told me what happened, and to come talk to him. I went to the hospital and talked to him. He’s currently at inpatient rehab for the next 5 weeks. He’s heading to a sober house after. Both a new thing for him. He is giving it his all to work through it. I do get to talk to him on the phone for about 10 mins twice a day. The rehab doesn’t allow visitors, and I understand the reasoning. He knows I’m here to help support him through this. We have open communication. It hurt when he disappeared for those 2 days. I don’t judge him for what happened though. I’m just glad that he realized he was going down a road he was before and he didn’t want to go down it again, getting help, and was honest with me about it. Here is where I am getting inside my own head, I think …My question is, I know it is strongly suggested not to have any new romantic relationships for the first year. I asked him to tell me if I am not part of the future at any time. He got anxious. I let him know I am here for the long haul. He wanted to know why I asked that then. I told him from what I was reading and researching, that his emotions are all over the place and can change the way he feels about people. He told me that doesn’t change how he feels about us and sees me in his future. And that before he slipped, he knew he wants me in his life for the rest of our lives. Here is the questioning in my mind. I know he was told no romantic relationships before a year the first time we dated, all my research says the same, and he followed that advice before. It was a short time we dated, so I can fully understand why. It was only a few months into recovery that we met. I didn’t know what I know now.
With almost a year now, will I be in the no new relationships for a year? I don’t know if this is being selfish or not. Before the slip, we were doing great. We both know time and patience is required. I’m so proud of him and the progress he’s made. Even deciding to go to inpatient was huge. It is something new that he is doing. I know he considers me as a big part of his support people. He has a few people that he considers support people that he trusts. I’ve been trying to research relationships, but I’m not finding much that isn’t considered new or to starting to date. We are not married nor live together. He knows that his recovery comes first and I will say something if it doesn’t. How do I tell him, if I should, that if he feels that recovery isn’t coming first that we need to pause or stop? I know the effort he is putting into his recovery and support it coming first. Or do I just not say anything? Thank you for your insights. Nanc
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